Melon Land-Fill Lips and Other Diseases

While researching dolphin melons for a Natural History Museum project, I stumbled across the illustration of a woman with dripping, watermelon lips. Naturally, I put aside paid work and followed the image to its origin. The magic of hyperlinks brought me to the blog Dr. Alan’s Placebology: “Alternative Medicine for Alternative Illnesses for Alternative Bodies Using Alternative Words. By Dr A. A. Alan.”

There I found pun-filled satire of UK politics and media—in this case, aimed squarely at conservative journalist Melanie Phillips (Melon Land-Fill Lips):

“The lips take on the appearance of a melon. Usually this is watermelon but can be honeydew. It is thought that this is the result of the alternative body trying to protect itself from others reacting to the controversial opinions it is spouting with violence. After all, it is difficult to take someone seriously if they [have] melons for lips; no matter how much garbage they are producing.”

Don’t let the puns fool you, though; the writing and satire can be pretty sharp, even for those who may be unfamiliar with its British targets. In the article with my favorite illustration, Chapter 8: Parasite, out of mind: A Dreadful Attack of the Fainting McKeiths, Dr. Alan takes a shot at nutritionist and TV personality, Gillian McKeith:

“The fainting mckeith in its adult form spends most of its time hanging around in the environment looking at faeces. Once it has looked at enough faeces it transfers what it has learned about those faeces into a nest made out of toilet paper in the shape of a book. This is technically known as the mckeith pile of harassed defaecation (PhD). The purpose of the PhD is to interest another fainting mckeith with which to half-heartedly reproduce.”

To give it some context: According to a quick Google, Ms. McKeith’s PhD is from a “non-accredited correspondence course college” and she faked fainting on “I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here.”

Okay, so it’s probably not relevant to those outside the UK (or judging by the year-long hiatus of the blog, those inside the UK), but the articles are a fun read and the illustrations have made it into my inspiration folder. @scottfuse